Why Tuesday is worse than Monday

"How has she been this month?"

The doctors at Peyton's clinic will ask me this Tuesday afternoon, the same way they do every month.

Three Mondays of every month I write my post here and I'm doing ok…because Peyton's doing ok.

That fourth Monday is the night I think and process everything that's happened over the month because Tuesday I have to take her back to the clinic for her monthly checkup and bloodwork.

This is the Monday that I count how many bruises I've seen over the past month…the number of times I've seen her look pale or fatigued…has she been sick…have I been awakened to her complaints of an ache or a pain.

It all comes rushing in on me THIS night.

The part of me that anticipates good counts and nothing but good news that will buffer me through the next thirty days throws down with the shaky, jittery part of me that can't help but wonder if this will be the month that the counts come back wrong, if they will see something in her blood that sets off alarms.

It's a close fight.  I'm never quite sure which one will win.

It doesn't really matter because no matter how big my crazy gets tonight, I will have all the answers I need in just a few hours.

Until next month.

When I do it all over again.

You can also find me at Hope4Peyton, The Mayhew Review and Twitter, you should come by, it's nice…we have cookies! Feel free to email me at Anissa.Mayhew (at) gmail (dot )com.