Have you ever been sitting in an IEP meeting or some other school-related meeting when someone from the school staff says something so utterly ridiculous that you are left speechless?
I read an article in a local newspaper yesterday on the subject of advocates assisting parents in the special education process. One of the advocates featured in the story, Cheryl Poe, began her journey to advocacy because of one of those ridiculous comments made to her about her son. The quote from the newspaper was “For Poe, her activism was spurred by her own experience. About six years ago, while trying to get diagnosis and treatment for her son’s learning disability, she said a school speech pathologist told her she was the problem, that she must have been speaking black English to him at home.” Say WHAT????
Although I’ve heard many ridiculous comments at the IEP meetings for my children, the worst was when, following a triennial review, Ashley’s teacher announced to the team that Ashley was a “visual and auditory learner.” Say WHAT?? ASHLEY IS DEAFBLIND!!!
So, what inane comments have you heard? And more importantly, what do you do when you hear them?
Deborah can be found writing here at 5MFSN every Sunday and Wednesday, and can also be found at Pipecleaner Dreams.
My son’s regular education teacher said to me at one meeting, “I would take him to Johns Hopkins and get him fixed!”
:O
I was dumbfounded to the audacity of this (stupid) woman, but I knew that I had to work with her to get what my child needed so I held my tongue. When communicating with teachers the # 1 priority is creating and maintaining a good relationship. Lashing out and telling that teacher off would not be productive. The teacher would become defensive and the situation would not be resolved. I said my mantra, “Be calm when problems arise.” because I knew as soon as tempers fly, so does my opportunity to get what my child needs.
When things like that happen to me, I know God is watching and I wouldn’t want to be in that teacher’s shoes on judgment day.
At a preschool IEP meeting for my autistic son, I was told they couldn’t check the box for behavioral problems since he didn’t do anything outside what was expected in the autism preschool classes.
Then they said they didn’t want to check the box for communication issues because his speech was at age level (meaning articulate and using full sentences, completely ignoring pragmatic issues).
My response, “If he doesn’t have behavioral issues and doesn’t have communication issues, why are we here?”
What did they say?
Well, this wasn’t in an IEP, it was in the principal’s office, but this woman told me that my foster son, soon to be my adopted son needed to be institutionalized. She said, “It’s about time you give up. He will never amount to anything. He nneds to be locked up.” He was 6.
She also said, “Evryone at this school is here by MY grace. If I don’t want them he here they won’t be.” This was my neighborhood public school.
I came home wrote emails to my State representative, my senator, my mayor, my governor, and the superintendant of public schools for my state.
Two days later at a case conferencewe learned that she was under review and she accused me of lying. I wanted to rip her throat out. I was newly pregnant, hormonal and wickedly morning sick.
She was under a strict review for 3 weeks where she was followed around every hour of her work day. She retired at the end of the school year. Witch. I would wager it was not voluntary.
There are no words, Sheri, other than “Thank GOD she’s gone.” I’m so glad that you held her accountable for her comments; I think some parents would’ve been intimidated and just done what she told them.
Amazing Grace, you are correct – sometimes we do have to ‘play nicely’ just to make sure our children get what is their right to have. But like Katie intimated, there is a line that can’t be crossed. Whatever that line is for you and your family determines what you will do when you hear the crazy comments.
I let the “visual and auditory learner” comments go. But I have not let comments go that portrayed my daughter as stupid, incapable of learning anything, and needing an institution.
School staff can make mistakes and say insensitive things at times and they just need to be ‘educated’ themselves. But, when it goes beyond ignorance to just pure meanness, I refuse to let it go and play nicely.
It’s a really fine line we each have to figure out for ourselves – just one more thing that makes this parenting job ‘interesting’, eh?
After reading through all of my sons diagnoses; ADHD, Bi-Polar Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder, lack of social skills & agression issues…the school psychologist said to the entire IEP team, in front of my boy, “Well, that’s Dami*on.” Infuriated me. I, and my husband said “No, that’s not Dami*on, that’s a list of his diagnoses. Not who he is.” His math teacher, who is a “speacial educater” has told him in front of his entire class “I know you have ADHD, and that’s why you can’t learn math very well or sit still. Just try harder. You’ll get it if you try harder” He’s been suspended more this year, for the most rediculous reasons,than he’s been in school. I am fed up beyond belief and going to the district level with our issues.
Amber, nothing infuriates me more than when people define my daughter by her diagnosis, so I understand exactly where you are coming from.
Please keep us posted on how things go when you go to the district level.
Unbelievable! Wow.
Amber’s mention of “that’s his diagnosis not him” really makes me think. I’ve been given some really good examples lately of how to start off an IEP in order to help everyone focus and remember why they are there: bring yummy snacks, bring photos of your kid happy at home with family, etc. My favorite (and the one I plan on using in the future) is to bring a rose for each member of the team (that means me too!) that has a note tied to it saying, “We are all here because we love [kid's name here] and want him to achieve all he can.” I think the key is to make everyone refocus on your child’s humanity and get away from the defining diagnoses. My son is only 3 so we’ve had one IEP, but I know there are a million more in my future.
I just found this site (thanks to The Incredible Gift) and I plan on coming back often.
We’re just starting the IEP process, and I’m thinking we’re probably going to have a bit of a fight on our hands. It’s nice to know there are other parents going through the same thing!