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Try This Tuesday #21: Expected Behavior
One of my son's biggest issues is the difficulty he has with taking another person's perspective. Now this is perhaps not totally uncommon in six year olds (LOL), but because he has trouble figuring out what other people are thinking and feeling, it is often hard for him to know what behavior is expected of him in various situations.
The psychologist Michael has been seeing talks with him a lot about this idea of expected behaviors, as well as reinforcing the concept that what he says and does affects how other people see him.
I am realizing that up to this point, most of my focus has been on telling Michael what to expect in various situations—what things will look like, who will be there, what the schedule will be. Not as much time has been spent talking about what behavior is expected by me and by the other people who will be there.
She suggested that I get a package of spiral-bound colored index cards and designate each color for a different purpose, such as home, community, etc. Then I could write the expected behaviors for each situation we encounter or place we go on a card. Such a simple idea, but so perfect for us!
I can easily add things on the go without having to print things out or laminate anything, and I can simply tear out a card if I mess it up or need to give it to someone else. It's also so nice to have for the holidays coming up, where we will be going on longer trips and to different places than usual.
Another positive result from this experiment is that, as we are writing things out, he is noticing how many of the "rules" overlap. For instance, we need to keep our voices down both in the library and at church, and we need to stay with Mommy at the store AND in the parking lot. Even though we are looking at specific situations, he is starting to generalize the concepts a bit more.
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Trish can be found writing here at 5MFSN every Friday in addition to hosting Try This Tuesday. You can also find Trish at her blog, Another Piece of the Puzzle.
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Comments on Try This Tuesday #21: Expected Behavior »
Maddy @ 1:03 am
Yes generalization of skills is a real headache around here too. We also use the cards, perforated ones. I still laminate them and then use a hole punch in the corner and 'stack' the relevant ones on a brad so that I can add or subtract over time.
Best wishes
Cale @ 1:04 am
This seems like a really sound idea.
A more inconspicuous adaptation for teens is to program documents into cell phones (mine has a note-pad function)and mark each one with the label for the specific time. Then when you flip it out to look through, it looks similar to reading a text or browsing for a phone number.
I also imagine this would be quite useful for kids with a blues clues interest; it's like their own handy-dandy notebook.
Anyway, cool idea.
Another Piece of the Puzzle » 5 Minutes for an Idea, a Giveaway, and some Rambling @ 1:21 am
[...] today's Try This Tuesday, I'm talking about expected behaviors and perspective-taking. Not too deep for this early in [...]
Barbara @ 8:29 am
I'm impressed!
Lisa @ 8:54 am
Great idea!
Alicia @ Experiencing Each Moment @ 7:01 pm
This is very cool, and we deal with this same issue as well. Thank you!
Katie @ 7:36 pm
This is going in my bookmarks folder because I know I will have a client someday who could use it! Thank you for sharing!
Jenny @ 8:27 pm
This is a great idea. I'm guessing with Michael you can just write words on the cards. I would need to use pictures instead of words, but the concept would still work. Thanks!
Spring @ Forever Spring @ 9:03 pm
This is a great idea! We have the same issue, especially with playing with other kids.
Thanks!
Deciding to See a Psychologist — Another Piece of the Puzzle @ 8:06 am
[...] the best ways to handle it. She has given me several practical suggestions, including things like teaching expected behavior and finding a discipline technique that works for us. Pass It [...]