July 10, 2008
Special Needs or Individual Needs?
Can you bring up every child in exactly the same way? Highly unlikely. And even if you could, would they all develop in the exactly the same way?
Of course not.
My daughter, Meg, is a unique combination of her genes and her environment. She is like people with long, straight, blond hair and unlike people with short dark wavy hair; she is like people who think Paolo Nutini is great and unlike people who prefer Rammstein; she is like people who enjoy chocolate and unlike people who enjoy olives.
In short, she is as individual as every other individual on this planet.
As a parent, my job is to respond to the individual needs of my daughter, just as I have tried to respond to the individual needs of my son, my stepson and my two stepdaughters.
Meg has Down's Syndrome, but does this mean she has Special Needs?
Statistically, most children do not need a dedicated support assistant in the classroom; statistically, most children are not born with a hole in their heart, which requires open-heart surgery at 5 months old; statistically, most children are not classed in a group which has its own height-weight-development chart.
Specifically, then, my daughter has Special Needs when other people are involved in providing extra support, be it the medical, educational or financial authorities.
Special Needs can be seen as a shorthand for saying out of the ordinary, needs more help than normal, will take longer to achieve. However there are also value-laden, social and political ideas that accompany these words – a burden, limited resources taken away from others, impure, abnormal, brave parents to be pitied, drain on society, freaks, glad it's not me… etc
These value-laden ideas, which place our children in a negative light, are endemic in society, especially a society so obsessed with such a narrowly defined idea of beauty and perfection. The idea we are all free to be individuals is laughable when to stray from the idealized norm is to invoke hostility. It is this society that says my daughter has Special Needs.
And yet, the label Special Needs is still a mighty step forward from previous labels such as Mongol, Retard and even Handicapped; each of those defines in such a way as to written off as beyond hope, beyond growth, beyond bother.
In this contradictory world of ours, while the media try and convince us all we are inadequate for failing to live up to an impossible, surgically and digitally enhanced beauty, there is too a growth in the idea of equality of opportunity. People should not be dismissed because of their color, race, religious beliefs or perceived disabilities.
But how shallow, how tenuous is our grip on this ideal? If our society can label all Muslims as terrorists, all black youth as potential muggers, or all poor people as lazy scroungers, then we are fighting a losing battle.
When we see only the label and not the individual it is so much easier not to care.
Here in Scotland the term Special Needs is slowly being replaced by the phrase, Additional Support Needs, which has the advantage of being less exclusive, but in the wrong hands can still be used to prop up notions of burdens and limited resources.
I live in hope that one day the distinctions won't be necessary; one day it will only be about Individual Needs.
Filed under Blog, Day In And Day Out, Dealing With Public Perceptions, Kim by Kim Ayres
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15 Comments on Special Needs or Individual Needs? »
#1 - Rebecca @ 2:50 pm
The blog looks fabulousa!!
Great work team.
#2 - Michelle @ 2:56 pm
Bravo and well said, Kim! Your last sentence is one that I place a lot of hope in as well. Wonderful post - you're getting us of to an amazing start here
#3 - Bonnie Sayers (autismfamily) @ 7:22 pm
Nice to meet you. I will look forward to learning more about life in Scotland and the difference in the terminology there. That new phrase sounds interesting.
#4 - savannah @ 7:50 pm
well said, kim! i'll add a link to my blogroll and help spread the word! xox
#5 - Trish @ 8:16 pm
Thanks for saying it so well, Kim! I continually wonder about the best way to help my son get the help he needs without painting him as less than the other kids. Maybe all together we can help the world keep moving in the right direction.
#6 - TammyH @ 1:38 am
So very well expressed, Kim.
#7 - Eryl Shields @ 11:08 am
Meg is also like people who are adorable and not like people who are beastly and judgmental.
Well said, and well written, as usual.
I worry about the word 'needs' altogether, there is always an implication of, I'm not quite sure what, over reliance, resource sapping? I tend to think the word requirements is better: individual requirements? Don't know.
#8 - Melody @ 2:40 pm
Kim, you have spoken my heart. Thank you.
#9 - kanani @ 6:53 pm
Oh Kim. I so agree.
As the mother of a teen, I can assure you that the last thing they want to hear is the word "special needs." Sure his needs extend to medications, therapy, and classroom mods. But he doesn't want to feel different from his peers.
Like any other teen, they feel and are unique. Many of the problems they have –defiance, exaggeration, anxiousness, are part and parcel of being a teen. And I know from experience you have to deal with those things, not by couching everything under the umbrella of special needs but addressing them head-on. There is a point where you have to help them understand and experience natural consequences –both good and bad. In other words, treating them like you would any other kid can be a realistic and healthy goal.
So my kid? If he doesn't look for a job, he won't have any money. He doesn't have any money, he can't do things with his friends. Therefore, look for a job, son! Or this: you cut class, you get a privilege taken away. It could be any number of things –skateboard, cellphone, tv, inclusion from fun events –yes, a natural consequence of bad behavior is exclusion, and even later –living with you.
Sure, they get mad. But you know what? So would any other teen. And yet, you'd be surprised at how many parents of "special needs" teens have never let their kid experience natural consequences. For that matter, there are a lot of neurotypical teens who haven't either!
I know, parents don't like to think of these things when the kids are young. But helping them to understand natural consequences when they are young, will help you later on when they are teens and just want to be treated like anyone else.
#10 - Z @ 4:02 am
It's referred to as Learning Support in the high school where I'm a governor.
#11 - SafeTinspector @ 7:05 am
Sometimes I think changing the name for something merely allows people to feel better about themselves without changing the way they act toward or about the referred condition.
Negro to colored to black
Hyperactive to ADHD
Crippled to handicapped to differently-abled.
bigot to racist to subjectively-intolerant
So you ever worry that people tend to change a label when its become negative instead of trying to correct the attitudes that produce the negativity?
#12 - Attila the Mom @ 9:07 am
I look forward to that day as well! Great post!
#13 - Kim Ayres @ 8:02 am
Thank you so much for everyone who's take the time to comment - it's a great relief when writing on another blog to find that people have actually read you
And SafeTinspector - I think it largely depends on whether the label is restrictive or empowering.
"Crippled" or "handicapped", for example, imply nothing can be changed, whereas "differently abled" doesn't restrict the potential for growth and development
#14 - Jennifer @ 12:42 pm
What an excellent post, Kim. I couldn't agree more, and I couldn't have said it better.
Cheers!
#15 - SafeTinspector @ 9:14 pm
Kim, I can see that.
I almost would rather not lump such a diverse group of people with so many very different conditions together into any label.