“What’s wrong with him?” – ask the kids in the playground when my son refuses to play with them.
“What’s wrong with him?” – asks my uncle when my son refuses to eat anything but dry cereal.
“What’s wrong with him?” – asks my aunt when my son jumps around because there are too many people in a new environment.
“What’s wrong with him?” – asks my cousin when my son throws a tantrum because he was up too late the night before and was up too early the next morning.
“What’s wrong with him?” – asks his father when my son hides his face, closes his eyes and refuses to talk to him.
“What’s wrong with him?” – asks/thinks ____ when my son ___ .
I think you get the drift. You’ve probably heard the same thing. You can probably fill in the blanks with your own version.
There are times that I (try to) answer as intelligently as I can. I take the time to educate about why this physically typical child is not like most children. I explain that he is not being rude or weird or spoiled. He is not hyper because he had too much sugar. He does not close his eyes because he is shy. He does not say the same thing over and over and over because he’s obnoxious. Rather, he has autism and pervasive developmental delays. As a result of that, he doesn’t talk like other 7 year old kids. Until recently, his speech is more of an echo. Smart as he is, he couldn’t articulate his thoughts. He is hypo-responsive to proprioceptive input and seeks it more than his peers (meaning he has no sense of appropriate body space, among other things).
There are those times that I just smile and ignore the question, hoping they would just go away. These are when I’m either too exhausted to explain or simply too tired of the questions.
Then there are those other times that something in me just bristles at being asked at all, at the implication that something is wrong with my child just because he does not fit the mold. I mean, seriously? He is smart, with a memory of an elephant, funny, compassionate and has the faith that can move mountains so no, I don’t think there is anything wrong with him.
How about you? How have you dealt with this question?
Hi ! welcome – I enjoyed your post and I am here blogging on Sundays also… What you wrote is so true.. when my kids were very little I used to attempt to answer and educate , when we were asked the same question.
Not so much anymore. My daughter Zoe who uses a wheelchair and walker is 8. Often when we are out, children come up and ask what is wrong with her. Now I have to sheepishly admit I say nothing. Because Zoe is listening and she feels fine, she feels like she can do anything! If the child persists I sometimes say hmmm.. is something wrong with you? that usually ends the comments. Shameless huh?
Thanks, glad to be here and see all the new faces.
Not shameless, you’re a mom and that says everything,
I am laughing at my comment. I meant to say I literally say ” nothing.. and then ” is something wrong with you?”
I love this post and the comments..
I would LOVE to see that annoying rude persons’ face… when posed with the question– Is something wrong with you?
I say thumbs up!
Depending on the situation or the mood I’m in, sometimes I will answer, “there’s nothing wrong with him. He just breathes differently than you do and needs help to get around.” I HATE that question. HATE it. Sometimes I am intentionally rude in my answer, but anyone who asks a question like that should expect rudness in response, IMHO.
And LOLOL on the “nothing, what’s wrong with you!!!” LOLOLOLOLOL
Thank you for sharing this. We are dealing with sensory issues related to a neuromuscular condition both my son’s have a degree of. The oldest(8) is less affected than his 4 year old brother. I could relate to many of those questions you posed. It is hard because people there is “nothing” to see. Yet the world can be too loud, too bright, just too hard at times.
Exactly. To the world, they look like any other child but they’re not.
I try to be nice but after 16 yrs with my oldest,I get really whissy with family members and my husbands friends.My friends have better sense than to ask that question about either of my boys.If it’s said in a effort to understand one of them then I will explain,sometimes for an hour or more but when I get done,they are definitely educated about autism.I very seldom have anyone ask that twice.I have told people in public to bite me and then blame my bad manners on menopause.
Lol on the bite me and menopause. I’m getting there so I’ll be able to use that in a few years,
I think of everybody who’s asked this, it’s the family members that really get to me. Guess I just believe that family should be loving and accepting (don’t know where I got that from since that has not been my experience).
Perhaps it is what we think those close to us should be. Have you seen Hartley’s blog about SPD. There are a couple of good posts along these lines that I found helpful. I had a hard time with feeling like we had to to fit into the world all the time when sometimes it is about trying to help the world fit round us. We have to adapt and adjust to fatigue levels. Otherwise my boys meltdown- it isn’t their fault it is just they work so much harder to do what comes naturally to their peers. Yet all people see is the behaviour not the reasons behind it.