October 28, 2008
Try This Tuesday #15: Encouraging Independence
As my son moves into his elementary school years, I am consciously trying to step back and let him show off all the things he has learned over the last few years. We certainly are continuing to work with him on developing skills, and we have the supports in place at school to help him follow along and learn. But as much as possible, I am doing what I can to encourage his independence.
It is a challenge for me, since I am used to hovering over him, ready to jump in and help wherever it looks like he might be faltering a bit. At this point in time, however, that is not what he needs from me - he needs to spread his wings a little bit and see how far he can fly.
Some things are practical, such as buying pants with elastic waists for school so he doesn't have to ask the teacher for help snapping his jeans after using the bathroom. Or starting an allowance so he has to make some choices about what new toys or videos he wants.
Other things are more emotional for me, like letting him run off to play at a party and not following him from room to room to see how he's doing. This one is a bit harder for me!
I know I am really just at the beginning, and there are many more ages and stages to get through. I'll just have to figure those out when I get to them, I guess. 
Please join in and share the creative solutions YOU have found to your own challenges, or feel free to post your own challenge for input from others. For more details on how to participate, click here.
Trish can be found writing here at 5MFSN every Friday in addition to hosting Try This Tuesday. You can also find Trish at her blog, Another Piece of the Puzzle.
Filed under Day In And Day Out, Try This Tuesday by Trish
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8 Comments on Try This Tuesday #15: Encouraging Independence »
#1 - Alicia @ Experiencing Each Moment @ 12:39 am
Oh, I'm so touched by your words. I'm going through the exact same thing with my son. Letting go in small doses…
#2 - Maddy @ 12:51 am
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for independence, but I'm still hovering and mine are considerably older than yours. I suppose we have to take it each step at a time depending upon where we are on the bell curve.
Sounds like yours is going ting a ling a ling [your bell that is to say.]
Best wishes
#3 - Rickismom @ 1:40 am
Whenever I feel like holding on too much, I say to myself:
TEACH her the skill and let her do it. Otherwise she will one day DO it (sucessfull or not) without the teaching!!!!!
#4 - Christine @ 8:20 am
I was terrified to let Regan go to camp the first time. A whole week without mr absolutely horrified me. Three year later and she has gone to three diferent camps last summer, ans wants me to find more so she can keep meeting people like her.
#5 - Barbara @ 8:28 am
I really relate to being protective, and like Maddy, keep closer watch than others, maybe - at least that's what my children tell me!
I still cannot get over parents who will drop an 11-year-old off at the mall for a Saturday afternoon.
One of my perspectives on parenting is that the whole process is letting go a little at a time. And everyone gets to do that in their own individual way.
#6 - Julie @ 9:47 am
This is great. I'm trying not to hover…but I can't retreat out of eye sight yet. He's got to be in mine, not the other way around!
Best wishes!!
#7 - Jenny @ 11:25 am
This is an issue that's just starting to appear for us, but I know it will be around for a LONG time!
Jackson's teacher just talked to me last week about the fact that he is too prompt-dependant, and suggested we need to start encouraging (and enforcing) his being more independant. It's going to be a challenge!
#8 - Trish @ 7:59 pm
It's so different for everybody. I guess for me it's when I hear that little voice inside telling me that I am holding on too tight and not wanting to let him grow up.
Also, if I am doing something out of fear, I have to step back and evaluate objectively whether he needs my help at that moment.