What’s so special about a hyper quirky kid?

Many children show no outward physical appearance of special needs, but it does not lessen their existence. (voice of experience) You've eloquently spoken with heart and knowledge.

Your daughter showed such courage and strength in standing before her classmates. She's clearly learning from you the importance of educating others.

Great post lady. You are right. Alot of people keep their child's ADHD diagnosis under wraps.

It's odd how we so easily dismiss our own difficulties, while marvelling at how others deal with theirs.

I remember getting into a conversation with another father of a child with DS about Meg's age, and was amazed to find he'd always felt a bit relieved that while his son had had intestine and bowl problems (to the point of requiring surgery), he'd never had to deal with the heart problems we'd had with Meg. Of course I'd been relieved we'd never had the bowel conditions to deal with.

In the same way, I sometimes feel we're lucky that Meg's got DS rather than, say Autism, because, of course, I know how to deal with DS. Or rather I know how to deal with Meg and her DS.

It's always better the devil we know

I remember the shock I felt when my sister first suggested a toy "that is good for special needs kids." My son has feeding problems caused by sensory issues.

She picked up on the silence over the phone and apologized for upsetting me. But I wasn't upset; I just hadn't considered it in those terms, even though we were going to weekly therapy sessions.

Tyler is also a VERY active toddler. At first we just thought it was normal, but the more we've read about sensory processing disorders, the more we think his activity level is related.

Not only are there perceptions from others who see an average child, there are concerns on the part of a parent when deciding what is a normal behavioral issue that needs discipline and what is a special needs-related issue — and how to deal with it in a way that is healthy for the child regardless of the opinions of friends, family or strangers watching.

My son is autistic and we encounter similar problems. Physically, he looks like any typically developing child, but behaviorally he's clearly not. It's a hard path to navigate.

I'm right there with you with my son. If I had a dollar for every person who gave us that "well if you were just a better parent" look. Well, I'd be able to afford some of that therapy I need.

Thank you for sharing your story. It can be easy to think we don't need help or special supports if our child is not struggling as much as another child. We feel guilty thinking we should be able to handle our child if so and so is handling their three special needs children that are more severe than our one. Sigh. Breathe.

Kristie,

I think stories and experiences like yours are sometimes the most important of all to share. I believe so many Moms and children experience what you have and need the support.

Many of those that haven't walked in your shoes could use the education.

Written wonderfully, I would like to add that for mothers of children that aren't special needs, that feeling of lack of self esteem happens as well. Many times from well meaning people that don't realize how their comments sound…

Anyway, very inspirational.

I was hoping someone like you would be on the team. I have a friend whose son has emotional and processing issues. He seems "normal," but just out of control at times. He has seen a number of therapists and psychologists. He does have issues.

In fact, she and her husband have recently confronted the fact that they do need to admit (to each other) that he has special needs.

Then I was talking to a new friend at church recently and found out her son faces many of the exact same issues.

I think that your voice will be well-heard here.

Great post :). I have three boys with autism, two of whom are extremely hyperactive (due to sensory issues) and I can soo relate to what you said about feeling like a bad parent (and plenty of people willing to reinforce that notion). The best thing I ever did was to ditch the "mainstream" parenting books and articles, as well as all the conventional parenting advice I rec'd, because none of it worked for us anyway… often had the opposite effect it was supposed to. When our twins were dx'd with autism and sensory integration disorder at age 3 it was like someone flipped the light switch on… finally things made some sense and we could find some books / resources that were actually helpful.

You make a good point about education, especially since there is no outward indication that they have issues. I would much rather make people aware that my sons have autism (if it's someone who's going to be interacting with them on a regular basis, not everyone we pass on the street, lol) than leave them to come to their own conclusions about why they do what they do. We've found that people are *generally* more patient and kind when they understand that the boys aren't being willfully disruptive, and that with a little help and an un-overwhelming environment they can contribute quite a bit!

I love that you are so willing to share your trials and tribulations with the world. I can only imagine how many people with a similar child feel better knowing they are not alone!

You go girl!

Thanks for your thoughts. I have 4 "special needs" kids whose needs are not apparent to others at a glance and I truly get the feelings you express in here. It's nice to know that others out there get it. Thanks for thise post and for your willingnes to be transparent.

What can I say but yes, I agree with all of the above. It is hard to deal with the issues of any special need or disability, whether they are obvious or not to the outward appearance, and I hope more and more people will learn not to jump to conclusions about why a child is behaving a certain way.

As a spec ed teacher, my heart goes out to kids like your daughter. So many people just don't understand why these kids can't just "act right." Students with healthy issues are more often understood or at least treated with some compassion. Keep fighting the fight!

Beautifully written.

Yes, your girl is wonderful….all of our children are. They are special in their own way. As a teacher I've seen kids with all levels of abilities and each and every one has something wonderful to share with me.

You are lucky to have understanding teachers where you are. And you are a great mom. A patient mom and a loving and caring mom…what more can your children ask for???

I can't wait to hear more about you here on this special site.

beautiful.

Ah yes, the power of the Dx. We fight to have it, and the answers it brings, then as soon as we get it, we fight for the world to see past it, to the beauty and strength of our children, each unique as snowflakes.

Excellent post!

As I began reading this I felt like it was written especially for me! Thanks so much for posting. Sometimes when our children's are not severe we feel as if they are not as important. Thank you for empowering us.

My daughter has some similar issues. The diagnosis OCD has been batted around, but it's not the whole problem. I'm still trying to figure it our so I can help her…
Thanks for sharing your story.

thanks.

I can relate.