Although I didn’t post about Me Time last Friday, I have been thinking about this topic a lot since Michelle first mentioned it.
This is definitely an area that is difficult for me, partly because of all that needs to be taken care of in my life, but also because of my perfectionist tendencies. I read a quote recently that goes to the heart of the matter:
Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person. –Dr. David M. Burns
Wow, easier said than done! I usually think and rethink everything so much that I either don’t get started or it takes me 10 times as long as it should. Even hobbies that start out as fun and relaxing can become burdensome. I start out enjoying learning about something new and gradually begin to place expectations on myself to be productive and to meet some level of expertise, even though those aren’t the reasons I wanted or needed to engage in the activity.
I can also tell that lately I have let myself become very drained, and it is hard to have anything to give others, or even myself, at that point. Even time alone, which my husband so wonderfully gave me last weekend by taking Michael to Grandma and Grandpa’s house, is hard to enjoy because I feel that I need to accomplish a lot, or at least be totally refreshed and ready to jump back in upon their return. Ugh!
So, what is the answer? Well, I don’t want to say I’ll work on it, because then I will just be giving myself a whole new list of things to do, but I will say that I will try to be more aware of when I am doing this to myself and remind myself to relax and enjoy the moment.
And if you see me stressing out, feel free to remind me too.
Trish can be found writing here at 5MFSN every Friday in addition to hosting Try This Tuesday. You can also find Trish at her blog, Another Piece of the Puzzle.
[...] If you really want to hear more about how I have been feeling lately, I poured it all out over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs. [...]
I relate very much to what you say about yourself. Time and maturation have helped me – I’m much more relaxed in my 6th decade [Oh, that sounds old] – maybe that will not make you feel better just now. Sorry. Perhaps this is better – over time I decided that some things are just not important any more. Getting ONE item off my “this must be this way” list has helped. Then one more….Best wishes.
Sometimes it takes real effort to simply enjoy the journey, doesn’t it?
I’m share your feelings and tendencies. Maybe we need to be around to remind each other to breathe…and enjoy.
Ah, we could be twins, Trish…
I identify with every single line of your post. I had to laugh at your “I’ll work on it comment” — a favorite pet phrase of mine. I think I even said something referencing it in my post that just went up — I’ll have to go check
I think it’s because when you put so much into getting your child what they need to survive, life becomes a checklist. If we don’t remember everything and do everything on our list for our children, consequences are dire. Then we extrapolate that to everyday life and feel like failures.
I don’t know what the answer is either, but like you, I’m trying to be more aware of the fact that my children are not the only souls with needs and that everyone suffers when I pretend that mine can survive on four hours of sleep and a childcare “to do” list.
Hugs from a mom who totally gets it…
~Michelle
Ugh. Wow. EXACTLY what I needed to hear. That quote is right on the money. I’m going to be thinking over this one all day. Thanks for sharing. Hope your weekend is nice,
Julie
Hmmm – I was reading and thought that you were describing ME! And, I forever get lectures from my husband, “You need to enjoy life, Michelle.” Well, yes I do (and do achieve that goal a lot of the time), but so much seems to get in the way! Cocktails anytime soon!?
Have a great day.
Wow! I think you’ve been inside my head. Breathe, I keep telling myself…because all those expectations of me are really only in my mind.
Welcome to the Workaholics club! We’re always ‘working on’ something!
Me too, me too, me too! How surprising that there are so many who feel the same…!
I’m trying to have 5 minutes of fun daily, just spontaneous stuff whenever the mood strikes, and for only 5 minutes. No pressure. No right or wrong. Somehow, it’s contagious and 5 minutes of fun seems to lighten the mood for all of us.
For you, I say good job for talking about it, for not pretending, and for going to chocolate. In any crisis, chocolate is always the right answer
(((hugs)))
Thank you all so, so much for your encouragement and support. Just getting it off my chest makes me feel better and hearing from so many of you who deal with the same issues makes it all less overwhelming. Being there for each other when times are rough, that’s what it’s all about, and I appreciate it more than you can know.
If I had a dollar for every book I’ve read in the past three years on “simplifying.”
You are so not alone in the way you feel. I think our culture pressures us to “do it all” and we are being obliterated by our supposed obligations. This “busy-ness” keeps us many times involved in exceptionally good activities; they just might not be the right activities.
I’m blathering as usual. Thank you for being so candid.