When it comes to my son, I want the best. I stopped counting the money we’ve put into therapies not covered by insurance–it’s too depressing. I buy him the fancy, organic food that I’m too cheap to buy for myself. He’s got an iPad for crying out loud.
I’ve taken a similar approach when it comes to doctors. If I don’t like the attitude of a professional, I move on. It’s my right to find the correct doctor or therapist and I’ll exercise that right as I see fit. I’m not firing people willy-nilly, but I sought a new speech therapist when we needed one, let our vision therapist go, and found a new opthamologist because I didn’t feel like I could communicate well with the one that was recommended.
I struggle with the free people, though. The people that are provided to us through the government in one way or another.
I’ve been on the other side of that particular equation. I know the strains put on your time and your energy.
I have trouble. Do I fight as hard as I should? I’m not sure. I recently had an issue at school with my son and I hemmed and hawed about going in to see the principal. I did everything I could to avoid having to confront the situation. Finally, my blog was actually the thing that forced the issue and the problem was worked out quickly and easily.
So I ask myself? Am I really fighting? Or am I scared to burn bridges? To be seen as “that mother?” And why am I so scared to be “that mother?”
They’re tough questions and I’m still figuring it out–how to get what Charlie needs and still satisfy my need to make people happy.
How about you guys? Are you pleasers or fighters–and how to you feel about it?
I’ve been through this. Sometimes I’m warrior mom and sometimes I’m passive mom. I did get tired of fighting with the school so we now homeschool, but we live in a rural area so it is just easier for us. That is great that if a doctor or therapist is not working out you just move on. Great job. No sense wasting time and money.
As someone who has described herself as a Mama Pterodactyl, you may safely assume that I am a fighter.
I will do anything I can to better Max’s life, to help him learn, to help him make progress. It’s tiring at times, but there’s nobody else who will do it (I mean, my husband will if pushed but it’s usually me).
I am honestly fine with being seen by professionals as “that mother.” I have zero shame when it comes to getting the best that I can for Max.
I think you’re afraid to be “that mom” because you’ve been a teacher
And that’s probably good- because you have the balance of seeing what it’s like on the school side AND the mom side. I think when it matters most, you won’t be afraid to speak up.
You bring up a lot of good issues. I think we are advocates for our children, but that does not have to mean that we go in with guns raised, ready for battle. I have learned that building positive relationships and strong lines of communication before problems occur helps in the long run. I try to be part of the solution by volunteering to help my son’s teacher with her monthly newsletter. I make sure that I coordinate the holiday gifts. I am on PTA. I also figure out what the important issues are for me and make sure they are in my son’s IEP. I learn more every year…it is a difficult balance.
I just joined the PTA! Thought that would be a good move. I’m not sure if my son’s class needs volunteers. . . I should check that out.
It depends on the situation as to whether I fight or stand by.Sometimes I get tired of having to fight with the school system over every little thing but if I don’t then he won’t get what he needs.I do every thing I can for his teacher,things for the class room like diaper wipes,cleaning supplies,cooking supplies,books ect.His teacher has to be careful about siding with me against the special ed board because it will come back to bite her.If it really makes a difference then I stand up for him and if it is some thing that I’m not sure about,sometimes I just let it go.We all have to do what we think is best for our children.
I go back and forth for being pround of myself for standing up for my daughters needs and being ashamed because I feel like a bully. Mostly with the insurance company… I know the person I am talking to is just doing their job..but really..it is like they expect you to get frustrated and angry before they will pay your claim! I have had good luck with the doctors so far, with one or two exceptions (the opthamologist that said, “well, she might be seeing somethings, she might not see anything…we will just wait and see” –he didn’t recieve another visit from us).