September 17, 2008
What Do YOU Expect?
Compliance – no, not the legal kind – the kind that is expected of our children with disabilities. I feel that the level of compliance expected in our school systems for our children with disabilities goes well beyond what is expected of non-disabled students.
One of my children is in gifted educational programs. He is rewarded for, and actually expected to demonstrate critical thinking, creativity, and questioning that which is considered the norm. If he doesn’t fully investigate a subject, view it with a critical eye, and then develop a conclusion based on creative thinking his grades reflect that. However, if he questions traditional thought and is innovative with his conclusions, he is rewarded with a good grade. On the other hand, my child with a significant disability is not allowed to explore her classroom assignments in the same way.
My child with the most significant disabilities is expected to be compliant. Learning the rules of general society and practicing those rules at all times earns that child the best grade. If she turns the puzzle upside down because it helps her to solve it faster, she is corrected and told that the puzzle must be oriented correctly.
If she questions the value of putting pegs in holes by pushing the task aside and trying to get out of her seat, she is being ‘difficult’. The daily notes that come home more often than not say she had a bad day because she wouldn’t ‘cooperate’ and follow instructions.
If she complains by sitting down when she doesn’t understand the value of walking around the track four times while holding an adult’s hand, she is not ‘participating with her peers’.
If she would prefer to look at the large snow globe on the library shelves and try to figure out what makes the ‘snow’ float, she is ‘not using her time wisely’.
Just the other day, my daughter’s teacher complained because my child was running in the halls of the school. I understand running is not a good thing, but this was an event that should have been celebrated. Doctors always told me that my daughter would not walk. They were wrong of course, because she did finally start walking when she was five years old. So the fact that she actually RAN was a very significant event!
I am not saying that children with disabilities should not be expected to follow rules, especially in the classroom. Rules which involve the safety of my child, other children and the teaching staff must be followed. My child’s creative thinking processes and actions should not offend or in anyway bother the learning process for other children. In fact, I expect all my children to use their manners and be polite and respectful of others.
But, should my youngest child take great pleasure in devising a colorful pattern of legos stuck in the honeycomb structure of the child safety gate at our patio door, I refuse to tell her that legos aren’t supposed to go into the gate. I will continue to encourage all my children to be creative, responsible people who don’t let traditional constraints stifle them.
The conundrum for me is why special education teachers and administrative staff seem to have low expectations for the academic achievements of our children with significant disabilities but have very high expectations for compliance in those same children.
Deborah can be found writing here at 5MFSN every Sunday and Wednesday, and can also be found at Pipecleaner Dreams.
Filed under Blog, Dealing With Public Perceptions, Deborah, Raising Awareness by Deborah
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12 Comments on What Do YOU Expect? »
#1 - Krystal @ 4:27 pm
i know what you mean about this 100% - I am currently having similar issues with Little Man and Princess.
Little Man expresses himself differently and finds his own way to do things that are easier for him but this does not sit well with the "norm" which then of course labels him as disruptive, uncooperative, and last week, secluded in the time out room with the door closed - needless to say, he is only 5.
Princess is supposed to have accomodations in class but apparently what works best for her is not allowed. She can do her math and loves it! - as long as she has a number line to help guide her as she is a visual person - nope, she can't use one therefore her grades reflect such. Trust me, an Interim IEP has been called on this matter.
Just fight for what you know is right for your daughter as I know you do. We can only do so much and if we do nto fight, we will not get the voices of our children heard.
#2 - Amazing_Grace @ 4:28 pm
Goodness! You and I are both fighting a battle right now. And they wonder why parents get so mad at the school system? Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
#3 - Frogs Mom @ 5:14 pm
This is exactly why we left the school district. My non-verbal Frog said "no" - in his own way, and that was unacceptable. He was labeled avoidant, aggressive, escaped, and non-compliant. When I went in to observe I saw him, time and time again try to tell them no only to have the adults force the issue. I told the district that is was developmentally appropriate for Frog to say no sometimes. That a program that demanded 100% compliance was teaching him that he could not self-advocate and put him in a more vulnerable position than he was already in. They looked at me with no suggestions, but worried faces (I'm an attorney). I knew better than to fight with this district. Even if we won, I didn't believe the district would be compliant!
#4 - Amazing_Grace @ 5:51 pm
Frogs Mom- You are so right! Fighting so hard for things isn't worth it because the services you finally get from the school system are not worth it.
#5 - Stephanie @ 7:00 pm
What an insight. I really hadn't thought of things in quite that way, but you're absolutely correct! My oldest (now 18) was in the gifted program all the way through school. Not only were kids allowed and encourage to think outside the box, but behaviors were accepted that NEVER would have been allowed in other rooms…such as throwing desks, cussing at the teacher, and hitting children. They would never remove a child from the gifted program!
#6 - Melody @ 8:36 pm
Yes, the proverbial double standard.
Keep speaking up everyone…here, there and everywhere.
Well-written Deborah.
#7 - jollyholly @ 9:03 pm
Couldn't have been said better! Thanks for reminding me I'm not the only mom feeling this way!
Anybody out there have more flexible, creative, and tolerant school staff? I'd like to move to your town!
#8 - Nicole @ 9:21 pm
Yes, Yes YES! I so see this. Great post!
#9 - Crystal Jigsaw @ 6:14 am
I don't have the best relationship with Amy's school anymore after some trouble at the beginning of this year but I do know they have given her good support and inclusion. I am currently almost at begging stage for Amy's transition to run as smoothly.
I hope these problems get sorted out.
Crystal Jigsaw x
#10 - Kim Ayres @ 7:33 am
I love this post. We likewise have 2 kids at the opposite ends of the "academic" spectrum, but have always encouraged creativity and thinking beyond the rules.
#11 - Katie @ 8:51 am
I am a huge fan of behavior mod, but I also know that behavior is a way of communicating. People just don't realize that if a child does not have words to communicate wants and needs, he or she will resort to behavior. Another interpretation of Ashley's pushing the peg board aside could be her saying, "I'm bored and restless, I want to do something else!" And instead of saying that she isn't using her time wisely by looking at the snow globe, why don't they have a conversation with her about it? Do they ever ask her what she wants to do and learn?
*gets off SLP-in-training soap box*
#12 - Maddy @ 8:53 am
Excellent. I couldn't agree more. Sadly for you, it makes me realise or rather reminds me, of how exceptionally lucky we are that my children both enjoy intuitive, imaginative, creative and first class teachers, both in the mainstream class and the two special education classes.
Very best wishes