A Different Life

Do you think parenting a child with a disability has changed you? Small changes or big changes?

I wonder if my future would look completely different had I not been raising children with disabilities. I most definitely think it would.

I would be less patient. I would not be as assertive. I would still be very uncomfortable speaking in front of people, yet now I really enjoy sharing my story with people. I don’t believe I would find enjoyment in the smallest of things this world has to offer – real enjoyment, I mean – where I would take the time to notice every detail of the hummingbird in my back yard, for example. I would think “Oh, a hummingbird, and then turn my attention to something else. In fact, now I seek out the details and the beauty that can be found all around me. Ashley has taught me that.

I would still be voting as a Republican where now my commitment is to the Democratic Party. I would probably be uncomfortable with people of different abilities and not able to see the worth of everyone that didn’t fit the same mold from which I was raised. I might be one of the parents I see and hear in my children’s schools who doesn’t understand why a child with different abilities needs to be in “my” child’s regular education setting.

I might believe that my life was good never knowing how much better it actually could be. I wouldn’t understand that people can communicate without ever saying a word. I might not celebrate my child’s smallest achievements expecting even more and only celebrating the biggest ones. I would have time to exercise and take care of myself, and I might have been able to take the gourmet cooking class I wanted to take.

I definitely wouldn’t know that camellias and pansies are edible and what they taste like. I probably would never have heard of a nebulizer or a G-tube. I would sleep at night – all night – without getting up to see if my children were still breathing. And, I would never have met the hundreds of very special adults and children that I now consider my friends.

Yes, my life might have been easier. I might not have been as stressed or tired as I seem to almost always be these days. My life would, however, be like eating no-fat frozen vanilla yogurt instead of the Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby that I so enjoy.

I am grateful for every second of my life and everything good or not so good that it brings. I like the person I am today, and I’m not sure I could have said that had I not been the parent I am with the children I have.

What about you?

Deborah can be found writing here at 5MFSN every Wednesday, and can also be found at Pipecleaner Dreams.

In addition to her job as a computer engineer and her single parent responsibilities, Deborah is president of a state-wide family support group for families whose lives are touched by deafblindness, and is a tireless advocate for all people with disabilities. She writes at Pipe Cleaner Dreams and her writing has also been featured in local magazines and newspapers. Ashley’s story has also been chronicled in a book by Jonathan Mooney titled Short Bus Stories.

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