Want to connect with other special needs families? Come join the conversation at November 20, 2009
The "R" word
Matthew and I were at Best Buy shopping for CD’s (he wanted to buy REVOLVER and The White Album.)
He saw an entire rack of Beatle CD’s and ran over to it gleefully, bumping into another customer-hard.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” said Matthew earnestly.
“What are you, a retard or something? “yelled the customer.
“I give up,” Matthew replied passively, as if the guy was simply telling him a riddle.
As we drove away with Matthew’s CD’s, I convinced myself that Matthew didn’t know the guy had insulted him. I told friends and family the story, and they laughed.
“Thank God he didn’t get it,” we all said.
But when I put my head on my pillow later that night, I knew that on some level Matthew did get it. God only knows how many times he has heard that phrase.
I thought back to the time when I was a teenager, and I laughed at a weird boy at summer camp who was rocking and flapping his hands. His brother, who was also at the camp, saw me laughing and glared at me, deeply hurt. I will never forget it.
I’m guessing that the guy at Best Buy realized later that Matthew was standing next to his mother when he blurted out that hurtful phrase.
If you ever see him, tell him I forgive him.
Laura
Laura is the author of A REGULAR GUY: GROWING UP WITH AUTISM.
She is praying for Anissa.
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Comments on The "R" word »
Barbara @ 10:17 am
Forgiveness. Yes.
Lisa @ 10:45 am
Awww…that's sad though. Forgiveness is good. I sure wish I was as forgiving.
God bless your Mathew..He sounds like such a sweet boy.
MamaSkates @ 10:51 am
oh, how i hate that word! i was so happy 2 see this movement earlier in the year…
http://www.r-word.org/
that word is used so nonchalantly by people these days – they don't even realize how hurtful it can be!
Michelle @ 10:53 am
Forgiveness is something that I struggle with often. It's very difficult to see my child be hurt like this and not be angry. But I still try to forgive.
Glad Matthew got his CD's!!
Marie @ 11:33 am
Some people are just mean. There was no reason to say such a thing to anyone. The guy probably did not even realize Matthew has a "special need" when he said. It was just meanness that would have spilled over to anybody. Glad Matthew has love surrounding him and wish that other guy could find someone to love him. <–I guess maybe that was a little mean but that guy was rude! Hope his mother forgives me too if she sees this.
staying afloat @ 12:56 pm
I think people have just gotten it into their vocabulary- we used it for everything when I was younger. It's sort of a generic insult, like, "Idiot" or "Are you crazy?" This week I drove a carpool of very nice elementary and middle school aged boys, and one of them said that a basketball game he played was so unfair it was retarded. I broke in and asked if he knew what that meant, and another boy had to tell him it meant slow, which was obviously not what he meant. So I think it's a matter of education, really. Because the people who say it have no idea of the wallop it packs.
I do wonder often if it's better for our autistic kids to be aware of how they're viewed or not, because upping their social skills can often bring on awareness they're not ready for.
Carrie @ 4:55 pm
This is great.
Here is a great clip from a celebrity about his experience, his son and that word.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7dyueB1C88
Kristy @ 8:59 pm
I was in situation a few years ago at church Christmas play for children when Santa Claus was repeatedly called the R word.
Our son, who is non-verbal, physically and mentally handicapped, understood the word and kept signing to go home.
While I later told our pastor about it, I never received an apology form anyone.