Questions that hurt, comments that help

This made me cry.
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why do people have to be so ignorant?
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the nice comments..also brought tears to my eyes.
Last year Joey's teacher called..i was all ready to be protective..I mean the years before the school ONLY called to give me bad news..tell me to pick him up..etc. but Mr. Currie called and said."I just want you to know that Joey has had a fantastic day. He's agreat kid and I love having him in my class." I will never ever forget that. Mr. Currie , whereever you are teaching this year..we miss you, but i know you'll make a huge difference in the kids lives always.

I love the good comments. They all made me smile!

From my daughter's pediatrician: "Are you sure she has autism and she's not just really mentally retarded?"

These statements sure toughen a parent up. I have come to realize that most people are not heartless, just mindless. It doesn't make it any less painful, but I think the intention to hurt is not there, in most cases.

This gem is from my mother-in-law when I was trying to explain why my autistic son acts the way he does…

"So, you're playing the autism card?"

great post! I love the good and hate the bad comments.

My mother told me "the only one in your house that has a problem is you!"

The words that have meant the most to me were, "Figure out who is worth educating in your life and disreguard everyone else. You will need all the energy you have to help your child!"

Some of the comments that bother me most are when family/friends (who are educators) want to know how my son is doing accademcially. What they really want to know is how far behind grade level he is. The ones I like are when asked what his favorite subject is or things like that.

I'm also bothered by the "I don't know how you do it" comments. I always want to yell — IF YOU DON'T WHY AREN'T YOU ASKING WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP.

I always get "Oh I'm so sorry he's blind, think of all the things he's going to miss out on!" That bothers me. Why would I focus on that kind of negative thinking? My son can do almost anything that any other person can do. Ugh.

Also I work in a daycare with an autistic child and I regularly speak with mom just to tell her what a great day he has had and just how much I love having him in our classroom. He is so cute! I would love to take him home with me, but his parents love him and want the world for him and I don't think they'll give him up! Haha.

The worst one recently, "Did you know that autism has nothing to do with a parent's intelligence?"

And then my father-in-law went on to say he saw this guy on jeopardy who was extremely intelligent who said he had an autistic son. I wanted to yell, "and before this did you think my daughter was dumb????"

The sweetest thing in the whole world is hearing my husband tell my daughter, "I need some Ethan time."

Our son, who is both physically and mentally handicapped, used to have some severe behavior problems, most of which he has outgrown.

There were those who saw him for an hour or two, not 24/7, who thought I was lying about the things he was doing.

Also, at our church people are not that friendly to him, actually, the pastor is the only one who speaks to him on Sunday mornings.

On the postive side, I've found folks are 100% friendlier when, though the years, he wears his special olympics t-shirt.

Some folks will even speak to him and ask him did he enjoy participating?

Being non-verbal he doesn't answer, but I'm thankful for their smiles insetead of their stares.

How about adding:

"Gee, how I wish I had the opportunity to have both you and Matthew as real life friends." to your nice comment category.

Cause I can't tell you how often I've felt exactly that very thing. Oh, how fortunate I'd fee.

My two favorites have been:

1. They are curing that in China with Stem cells. (Ah, no thy aren't)

2. You know, if you just pray right she will be normal. (Really, somebody told me that in my own house.)

The best I have ever heard though was just the other day.

Because Amanda is and always will be my best friend, I am naming my daughter Kylee Amanda. (By her former babysitter and BFF who is due in March.)

I get the Jenny McCarthy question a lot and that really bugs me. My mother in law thinks she's some sort of God and critsizes me for not following the "McCarthy way".

I always chuckle at a comment about 7 years ago from someone who's kid won EVERY award. It was when our kids were heading into middle school. She said "well they must be doing ok because they made it this far". Like they keep 13 year olds in second grade. I wouldn't even bother trying to tell her about an IEP. SHE wasn't smart enough to get it!! HA HA

How about, "You're so pretty!" Said to a ten-year-old girl in a voice you'd use for a three year old, because I dared to tell the eye doctor she has some Aspergers tendencies that were causing her to be less than compliant with big, unfamiliar machines up against her eyes.

Yeah.

And I second (third? fourth?) the whole good feedback from school thing. My autistic son's school has a postcard they send home when your kid does something exceptionally great.

After reading this, I thought how lucky we have been to not have come in contact with too many people that have made bad comments. Then today happened. My neighbor was at our house and Ben pulled his daughter's hair (Ben has a thing for hair). He explained to his two-year old daughter that he will have her watch "Of Mice and Men" when she gets older so she will understand. I was dumbfounded and of course, did not say anything. Not sure if I will, not sure if it is worth my emotional and mental effort.