Comments on: Should You or Shouldn't You?

By: Gilda Horgan

Gilda Horgan — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 00:55:51 +0000

I love to hold my kids hands. It reinforces our bond and the trust we have for one another. I hope my son, who has autism, would hold my hand if he wants, no matter his age. Sometimes moms need a helping hand more than kids do!

I hold hands with my mom, who's 76, to this very day.

By: Sandi

Sandi — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 04:36:27 +0000

Hold hands. Life is short. Have faith others won't judge. There are so many other issues to worry about. Good discussion. Mom to one with Ds and a few more hand holding kids including two teens.

By: k

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 03:02:40 +0000

I am 18 and I still hold my mum or dads hand if we are somewhere unfamiliar, or keep a hand on my sisters back pack. It makes me feel much more comfortable.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with holding hands with family, but I guess it is a personal thing, and it will depend on each person whether they want their child to hold their hand or not.

By: Deborah

Deborah — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 16:29:39 +0000

Again, thank you all for your opinions. These are the kinds of discussions I love to see – everyone has been respectful and spoken from their heart. Such discussions are the things that make us all better parents and better people. I know you have all given me food for thought.

By: Achelois

Achelois — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 14:20:38 +0000

I completely respect your opinion. I am not bothered at all at public holding hands. I have two children (young adults 19 & 17 respectively). We are an affectionate family and my daughter and I often walk arm in arm when out & about in public. My son the younger is at the age where he is not so keen but would put an affectionate arm around me and me him without giving it a second thought. I walk arm in arm/holding hands with my either of my parent's and I am in my forties. I don't see it at all as anything other than a natural occurence. Sometimes we do sometimes we don't. Unless the individual seemed distressed by a physical restraint, I personally wouldn't view it as anything other than natural interaction. A parent who is also a carer also has the natural love & affection within the family relationship. I agree that appropriate behaviours should be strived for outside of the family unit, close friends & family members. Over here in England one can often see a carer with a disabled adult for example in a supermarket holding a reassuring hand. I think it is difficult to judge what is appropriate in this instance without personal knowledge of the unique needs & best interests of the individual. I support the ethos of optimum independence but am not sure that this should include lack of human contact if it is a naturally occuring and spontaneous event/a supportive gesture. This is entirely different to preventing abuse and all the safeguarding elements required to protect. An interesting and thought provoking post.

By: Barbara

Barbara — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 12:55:31 +0000

This issue highlights the hazards of "one size fits all". Or, everyone must be the same vs. acceptance of our differences. Other commenters have said it well. Depends on the family/child relationship. Caveats for other people.

By: Attila The Mom

Attila The Mom — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 05:11:43 +0000

Ah, Deb, I think maybe you're being a little oversensitive about this.

Outside the US, especially in Europe, being physically demonstrative in companionship (hugging, holding hands)isn't the bugaboo it seems to be here.

Sometimes my Little Guy, who is 19, will grab the hand of those in our family who is nearest to him when we cross the street, or if he's feeling anxious, or just in joy of swinging when we walk along.

I don't see what's inappropriate about it. I'll hold my mom's hand, or my husband's hand the same way.

I have to say that I'm actually proud of his older brother, or our nephew who is living with us, when they aren't embarassed when this happens with Little Guy. They know he somehow "needs" this contact, so when he grabs their hands, they grab right back on, no matter who's looking.

By: Tarasview

Tarasview — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 03:24:41 +0000

honestly? I think it is beautiful that that mom was willing to hold her sweet son's hand no matter what anyone else thought. But I also have no problem with a child- of any age- hugging a teacher or another safe respected adult.

I think physical contact has become somewhat taboo in our culture and that is unfortunate. In other cultures grown men hold hands in friendship- nothing sexual about it. When I was in Nepal I found it amazingly refreshing to see such wonderful displays of platonic affection.

My autistic son is only 7 but he NEEDS physical contact. He needs that reassurance that he is ok, we are ok, he is loved and he is safe. I can't see that disappearing anytime soon.

I do completely agree we need to teach boundaries and social acceptability… but those boundaries clearly are different for each person.

By: Azaera

Azaera — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:52:13 +0000

I guess when it comes to safety, I would be afraid if the child had tendances to grab the hands of or hug any random person. If you're trying to teach them to be independant and they don't have the concept of "stranger danger" something horrible could happen. But if the teen knows the difference between hugging family and that it's not safe to hug strangers then I don't see the harm really, of holding hands or hugging family members. As long as it's their choice or for a good reason.

By: Megan

Megan — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 23:16:27 +0000

Granted my daughter is only 2 and 1/2, and just learned to walk…so therefore needs my hand for assistance. But the way I see it, as parents we really have to choose our battles, you know? And for me, holding hands whether at home or in public isn't worth the battle. But I do like the point you bring up about appropriate physical contact with other people like teachers, etc. Something to think about:)