My children and I were shopping at one of the big box electronic stores this weekend when I saw a lovely family – Mom, Dad, and two teenaged children. One of the children had Down Syndrome. What gave me pause was that Mom was walking through the store holding the hand of the teenager with Down Syndrome.
Does that bother anyone else, or am I just being hypersensitive?
My oldest daughter, now 18 years old, is intellectually disabled. I adopted her when she was 9 years old, and she soon had to learn about appropriate behavior between adults and children. For instance, by 5th grade, it was time to stop hugging her teacher. A handshake would work just as well.
I believe that if we parents don’t have high expectations for our children with disabilities, we can’t complain when others don’t. If we don’t show respect to our children, how can we expect others to respect them? To me, walking through a store holding the hand of a child who appeared to be in his late teens was not respectful to that child.
I understand that in some instances our children need support to help them walk. My youngest daughter does because she is blind. But, because she is a teenager, I don’t hold her hand – I offer my arm and act as her sighted guide.
When I am deciding what is age appropriate, what is respectful for my teenage daughters, I imagine what actions my 16 and 18 year old sons would accept. And hand holding while walking through a store, or a teacher holding their hand to go to the school cafeteria, or an aide holding their hand to go to the bus loop would certainly not go over well at all.
I don’t want to change my children with disabilities. I don’t want to make them neurotypical. I love them just the way they are. But, I do feel it is my job to prepare them for a world that can sometimes be quite cruel.
Deborah can be found writing here at 5MFSN every Wednesday, and can also be found at Pipecleaner Dreams.
I have an autistic daughter who is 19 who goes pretty much everywhere with me when I run errands. She still holds my hand because she knows that she still does not have safety rules down, doesn not look both ways when crossing streets or parking lots. She will become distracted, as autistic kids do, by many things in stores whch would easily cause us to become separated. My daughter does not have the problem-solving skills of knowing what to do if she could not find me. It is easy to look at someone with down syndrome and think they are similar to other downs kids we know, but they are all different. You have no idea what their mental capabilities are. He may developmentally be a two year old!! Every child is different. We must all remember that and not be quick to assume that parents are not doing right by their child. There are no hard rules as far as what one must teach their child anyway. Perhaps that family never intends for their child to live away from home…those rules would not be necessary. Everyone has different plans for their children. To each his own I say.