I’m a very mellow, non-confrontational person. Never one to rock the boat, I often find myself saying ‘yes’ to someone even if I really want to say ‘no.’ In the years since I’ve become a parent, I’ve discovered that even though I don’t often stand up for myself, I’m sure going to stand up for my babies.
I recall going to my daughter’s pediatrician and—calmly and politely—asking her to reconsider her opinion about my child’s speech delays and finally giving me the referrals I needed to get Zoe going with evaluations and treatment. Looking back, I feel silly about having agonized over talking to the doctor about this. I knew it was important; there was no way I wasn’t going to discuss this with the pediatrician. But the goody-goody girl in me had concerns about challenging the doctor. Ridiculous, I know. All the while my inner voice told me, “If you don’t ask, you don’t get.” So I asked, I got; and Zoe was on her way to getting the therapy she needed.
After my son was born, I found myself in yet another sticky situation. Forced to change pediatricians due to a change in health insurance, I came face-to-face with a new doctor who was more than opposed to my decision to not vaccinate my son according to the ‘normal’ schedule. Given the fact that Zoe—and several other family members—have had violent reactions to vaccines, my husband and I had chosen to delay and spread out Ayden’s vaccines. Our previous doctor was fine with that choice. I calmly explained to the new doctor the reasons for this choice…and she promptly refused to treat my son and kicked us out of the office. Sure, she certainly had the option of not taking him on as a patient, but her belligerent response really stunk. But I learned a valuable lesson: I can argue my point, someone can disagree with me, and the worst thing that can happen is I get kicked out of that person’s office. No one got hurt, and I moved on.
This week I found myself acting as my own attorney as I took on the county school board. The school board made a decision about my little guy’s school placement that would have made it impossible to keep my daughter at her present school—the same school she’s attended since Kindergarten, and the school where she receives services like speech. When I was informed of the original decision I immediately asked if I could file an appeal. I was told that there is an appeal process, but that I shouldn’t hold out much hope for success. Knowing that as parents we are our children’s staunchest advocates, I asked for the hearing. Fortunately everything went well, and the board approved my request.
So what’s the moral of the story? Listen to your inner voice. Never be afraid to speak your mind, especially when it comes to your kids. One of your most important jobs as a parent is being your child’s advocate. I still have a hard time asserting myself when it comes to things I need; but I’d go to the ends of the earth for my kids.
Absolutely! It’s a question of standing tall and talk like a man! Er…..Wo man.
Best wishes
Yes! You spoke this topic so well, Melinda, and I am happy to hear your son’s best interests prevailed.
Before kids, I was considered pretty meek. Kids do change a person.
Your message is extremely important – for all parents – and a beautiful encouragement to parents who deal with physicians, educators and numerous other professionals – more than the rest. Thank you.
Thank you for this. I think this is true for all parents at some time, although it may be more apparent more often for parents of kids with special needs.
I am a non-confrontational type, too, and I’ve been very lucky to work with a pediatrician and an OT that were supportive and accessible.
I am proud of you! You’re right we can reach within and find strength we never knew was there! Our kids rock!
I love the message and it is so true. As moms we should trust our inner voice b.c we are usually right. I got into an dispute with a some nurse at my son pediatrician’s offfice. She was only filling in for another nurse on vacation. Anyways, she asked about my son’s eating habits. I told her that we feed healthy and nutritious things(it is true read my blog) and that we do not allow junk food or processed food. She told me I was doing everything wrong and that if he would stay active(he was 15 months at the time and really was just starting to walk really well) that we could just feed him anything and he would not be over weight. She than told me she does that with her family(including herself). Keep in mind she was obese by U.S standards. I told her that and well she walked out offended. I trust my instincts and know eating healthy and staying active is for us.
This is an awesome message. Something I really relate to well. I have learned to trust my Dr Mom instincts over the years. I have no problem expressing my concerns to health care providers anymore. I have had alot of Dr.s question my childrens lack of vaccinations. After almost loosing my daughter because of the MMR shot I am a little frightened of them.
Keep listening to your heart.
I love this post– I also had to stand up to professionals–
While my daughter was in the hospital dealing with E COli– I had to REQUEST that they re-arrange their time line so that she and I could get some rest– I was 8 months pregnant and I think that seemed to help change the time line.(They have to weigh and blood test the kids at the same time am and pm, I just asked that we either be the first or the last– so that we could get more un-disturbed rest)
I have started to visit this blog a little. I have a 3 year old girl with Down syndrome and a 13 year old foster son with down syndrome and who is autistic. thank you. I have had to fight the school district and because I am in a small town members of the community are not happy with me and I don’t care I will fight for my kids.
angie