There have been so many thoughts swirling around in my head about what to share with you this week, but in the end I went with what was in my heart.
In Pennsylvania, we have access to Behavioral Health Rehabilitation Services through Medical Assistance. Having a behavior specialist consultant and therapeutic support staff has allowed Michael to successfully attend regular daycare while I am at work, as well as to focus on various behavioral skills needed at home and in the community. This program has been a great blessing to us over the last few years.
One of the things you learn as you allow various professionals into your lives, however, is that those people will also move out of your life at some point.
When his first support person abruptly left the agency only three days after we met her, Michael was matched up with a wonderful woman who worked with him for over 18 months. This turned out to be quite a record, because in the year after she left to have a baby, he had four different support staff as well as eight weeks with no one at all!
He was finally assigned a new person in January of this year, and we have been incredibly happy with her. Not only is Joy a great fit with his personality and needs, but we have also been impressed again and again by her dedication and her willingness to go above and beyond the requirements of the job. Her name is a true reflection of her personality.
Well, Joy is now moving on. She was recruited by an organization she interned with during college, for a position that is a step towards the ultimate dreams that brought her into social work. I am happy for her and truly believe that the Lord has great plans in store for her life, but this transition also comes with sadness, both for me and for Michael.
How do I tell him this person he loves and feels safe with is leaving? I mean, I know how to tell him – I can write a story and show him on the calendar and answer all his questions and be understanding when he keeps bringing it up and push the agency to get someone new assigned before school starts, but how do I tell him this news when it makes me cry just to think about it? If it is so hard for me, how will a six year old with a social communication disorder handle this type of disappointment?
After today, we have one more week before Joy leaves the agency and we, hopefully, meet a new support staff person. Although it is difficult, we will keep moving forward and being thankful for the help we are receiving and the progress we are seeing. And we will keep opening our hearts to new friends and new blessings.
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Hi Trish,
I’m glad I found your post. We too have a child diagnosed with autism, along with a mind boggling list of other labels including expressive and receptive language delays. I can definitely relate to your tale of losing important people in your child’s life and the frustration and sadness that is felt. I have lost count of the number of case worker’s that Michelle has had with the Washington State dept. of developmental disabilities. Most recently, Michelle lost her personal aid (from a behavior management agency) that has worked with her on a daily basis for a year and a half. She cannot attend school or do any other non-family activities without this aid by her side. We lost that person because of unexpected changes in his life and there was no time for transitions or even a “goodbye”…Yes, it is hard enough for me to understand, but how do we explain such things to our children?
Thanks for sharing,
Chris
As my son is 19 i have seen many many staff come and go. And it hasnt got any easier!
This is why parents (and family) are such important advocates in our childrens lives as we are the only constant people.
That must be difficult. The downside of having someone so wonderful is that it’s that much harder to see her go.
Here’s hoping that Lord has something wonderful in store for you and your son as well with her replacement.
It is so hard when that happens. Very hard for Joy too, I am sure.
Oh, I feel for you with this *big* transition. When my son left Kindergarten mid-year, I had these same worries…he seemed to bonded to his teachers. I worried so much about how he would react, if his anxiety would escalate, etc. In the end, he handled it much better than I ever thought. I will pray your son handles this incredibly well, that you find the words/pictures and other ways to explain it to him in a way that he accepts, and that another person takes this woman’s place who is a perfect fit for your son’s needs.
Thanks for sharing!
Elizabeth
Saying good-bye to a close friend or relative, especially the very special people in your life, is never easy. I remember that my mother broke down in tears leaving my house to go home on one of my folks trips from relative to relative. She said she was so tired of saying goodbye. Then I reminded her that if she hadn’t come, she wouldn’t have to and wasn’t she glad she came. That eased it for her.
I have had my heart break many times in my life saying good-bye as people existed my life. I can’t imagine how hard it would be for someone so sensitive who does not understand to deal with it.
Give little man a big hug – my prayers are with you.
Oh, I am so sad too! Joy was absolutely amazing and I loved watching her interact with Little Guy. I will be praying that you guys get another awesome individual.
This is really hard, isn’t it. We lost an absolutely favorite nurse….there is still an empty place in our hearts.
Sharing from the heart is so good. It gives others who experience the same life events a friend who understands how we feel. We have so been there (and will be again) x3 with our boys.
Hugs and prayers that your little guy finds his way to cope. I feel certain he will…his mom will see to it.
Hi. I live in PA too. WE are just beginning our journey and have been trying to get the MA card.
I know from experience with my older son that any kind of childcare that he was attached to is difficult.
I hope you get another caring individual to support your child.
I hear you. Mine do not transition well. Forming those relationships in the first place can be a real challenge. Changing would certainly mean a great deal of upheaval.
Best wishes
Thank you all so much for your support; it means a lot. Although change is hard, I appreciate having this much notice – we have also experienced the loss of someone and not finding out until they were already gone, and it is much worse.
Hopefully you have some photos of her We keep photos in various albums of all workers, teachers, therapists we have had and it helps to look through them, especially with transitions when going to camp and returning to school.
Good luck with this latest transition.
Oh, that is soo tough. My son LOVES his therapist and I don’t know what we’d do without her…she has been a Godsend. But I love your attitude…keeping yourselves open to even more great and helpful people is the way to go.
What a sweet and thoughtful post – I can tell this is a big one for you guys! I agree with the poster who said that the down side of finding these wonderful supportive persons is knowing that they are too wonderful to stay where they are for too long. The very wonderful-ness of their nature propels them forward to do more to improve all the lives they touch as they are moving forward!
I hope and pray that you and M find peace together with Joy’s decision to move on and that you can be content knowing that you were a significant part of her journey toward her goals!
Trish, I want to thank you so much for the support you have given me in my decision. Do know, leaving your family is not an easy thing to do. I am constantly thinking about how my choice has impacted everyone and i fill with worry when i think about out little guy and how he might handle the transition. But then i take a step back and remember how strong your family is and how blessed you are all to have each other and i know things will work out great for you. Being a part of your family for the past 6 months has been a blessing to me that words can not describe. I hope that the people who read your blogs take strength from you strength.
Love always Joy
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