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Confession: I still get sad when other kids ask about my kid
"How did Max get that bump on his brain?"
That's my best friend's five-year-old talking. It's how my friend explained Max's disabilities to her. It's Saturday, and we are driving in our car; Max is actually in my friend's car, because he thought it would be fun to trade, and her daughter is riding with us and my four-year-old.
I feel the tears well up. I cannot believe the tears still well up. I am glad I am sitting in the front seat and she and my four-year-old can't see my face.
"It happened when he was born, honey," I say, and that seems to satisfy her.
My husband gives me a look; I know the question pains him, too. We are quiet for a bit, and then the moment passes and things are the same again.
And then, we have friends over for a barbecue on Sunday. Their 7-year-old comes into the kitchen as I'm taking stuff out of the fridge. "How come Max is sick?" he asks. I know instantly what he means. "Do you mean, how come Max doesn't talk the way you do?" I ask. He nods. I say, "He can't talk exactly like you, but he talks in his own way."
Generally, I don't feel like I owe adults explanations why Max is the way he is. But with kids, there's no avoiding the topic. They engage you. They want to know. They are curious. And I want them to know, too—to educate them about kids with special needs and to make sure they aren't afraid of Max.
And so, I keep my answer matter-of-fact and my tone light as I respond even though, inside, my heart is breaking a little.
Ellen blogs daily at To The Max
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Comments on Confession: I still get sad when other kids ask about my kid »
Jenny @ 1:27 pm
I thought I was the only one who had a problem with this! Not that I don't want to tell, or share with kids, but that it makes me a little sad every time. We get a lot of questions because people, including adults, see one typical twin and one disabled twin, and want to know why! It's hard every time.
Deana @ 1:33 pm
I can relate to this. What gets me even more, is when my 11 year old tries to explain about her brother to her friends. Her explanation is always so matter of fact, like there is absolutely nothing different with the way her brother is, it's just the way he was born and we love him. It fills my heart and breaks it at the same time. If everyone were as accepting of our little ones as kids, we would have a much kinder world.
MaddyM @ 1:49 pm
It's never easy, but it does get easier given time and practice, and believe you me, I get lots of practice.
Night Owl Mama @ 1:55 pm
Hugs For being as strong as u are and cuddles for the child asking
Check out my post for Bugsby through the link maybe ur son will enjoy creating his own story through Bugsby
Janis @ SneakPeek @ 2:45 pm
It does sneak up on you and it hurts every single time. It happened to me last weekend at my nephew's birthday party. Another party goer (my cousin's 6yo DS) was yelling at me asking – "what happened to his cheek, what happened to his cheek?" He was referring to Microtia. Taken aback the only answer I had was, "He was born that way." But it sucks every.single.time.
Leia @ 4:25 pm
I think this was the hardest part of the decision to send Hunter to school last year since he looks like all the other kids until it comes time to talk. And now I again am worried about sending him this year with his AAC device.
colleen @ 8:33 am
I feel ya!