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Meeting Girls
Matthew called me last night with one of his ideas-one that I know he'd been obsessing about.
"I was thinking," he said enthusiastically, "I've lived on the east coast and on the west coast. Now I want to try the mid coast."
He said he thought Louisiana would be a good place because they have good bands.
"Let's go there and look at houses for me to move in to with a girl. I really like girls, you know?"
It seems that in every conversation that I have with Matthew, he mentions how much he likes girls, and darn it, I really want him to have the opportunity to actually have a relationship with one, but can you think of ANYTHING more complicated?
I googled "Autism and Dating" for some tips, and could see that actually dating would be too much of a leap. As with every stage that I had been through with Matthew since babyhood, I'd have to tailor a "meeting girls" program to meet Matthew's quirky social profile.
Up to now, Matthew has enjoyed going to activities for other disabled young adults-dances, camps, bowling parties. He prefers to socialize with the neuroptyical female counselors, which is a one-way street.
"I find them hot," he says.
I think that it might be time to find a mentor Matthew-a young man his age-who can go with him to some of these events and try to steer him in a more realistic direction, coaching him along the way. That would be a start.
But then there is the worry about what could happen once he has found someone.
I'll worry about that tomorrow.
Laura
Laura Shumaker is the author of A REGULAR GUY: GROWING UP WITH AUTISM
and a contributor to A CUP OF COMFORT FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS.
She writes each Friday for 5 MINUTES FOR SPECIAL NEEDS.
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Comments on Meeting Girls »
MaddyM @ 10:07 am
I am beginning to read really, really, really slowly because I am getting to the end and I don't want to get to the end…….there again, if you continue to post about what is effectively the 'future' maybe I can finish you book.
Cheers
Stacie @ 12:21 pm
I can't offer any tips there as Dakota is only 8 with autism. If you mention Girlfriend he gets mad. He don't like anyone saying the word girl friend. LOL I think the idea of a young mentor is a great idea!
Barbara @ 1:29 pm
No surprise, I'm thinking a cognitive approach…How able is Matt to think ahead slash plan ahead slash functionally deal with the future? For whatever ability he has along those lines, use that thought process to SLOW his endeavors.
If you can think through – perhaps – write-out for yourself – the MOST detailed steps to meeting girls, perhaps you can keep him in the process long enough to gather more information, hope for more maturation, or a change in his obsessive direction.
Here's the first step, Matt, before we move you to LA. If you master that then we can talk about the next step. He doesn't need to see the whole picture, just the next step.
Prost. (Trying to be like Maddy.)
ShashK @ 8:56 pm
I'd be totally lying if I said I was not watching you guys to see what my and Spiff's future could be. Your insights and window into his future help me enormously. So thank you so much for this.
I have found a book, 22 Things a Woman Must Know – If She Loves A Man With Aspreger's Syndrome. I'm thinking of handing it out to any girl he's interested in and vice versa. Too much?
Thank you SO much Laura. And thank you too, Matthew.