Comments on: When friends say painful things about your child

By: rickismom

rickismom — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 05:36:13 +0000

I Dunno, but she was showing interest in your child, his abilities. If you get upset over every little thing, it takes an awfully big toll on you over the years.

By: The Gang's Momma

The Gang's Momma — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:25:37 +0000

I have found this line of questioning to be the most frustrating thing about Li’l Empress’s adoption story: that people ask me if the doctors can “fix” her ear. If they can do a surgery to “make it look normal.”

I’m sure they are well-meaning, and I try to focus (RE-FOCUS) them on the fact that it looks fine to us and that “surgery” isn’t an option towards improve her hearing. But even so her hearing is excellent in the other ear so we’re happy to keep giving her skills to sharpen and improve and excel in that.

I try not to take offense, but once they notice the ear’s differences, they don’t know how to converse about it. Sometimes the education of well-meaning folks is exhausting. I’ve become far choosier about how I talk about it and to whom I speak!

And I LOVE that little ear. Just the way it is.

By: colleen

colleen — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 04:17:24 +0000

yeah I have had many comments…like Is she ever going to walk? Those comments where they dont really mean to get you down, but it does…and I have had those comments that plain right out infuriate you, like saying the R word…yeah that person knows exactly why I said “yeah just the way I like it” after he said nice chatting with you tonight and we never even spoke.

By: Ellen

Ellen — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 03:33:40 +0000

PS, Lisa, the thought of telling her to “feck off” made me laugh.

By: Ellen

Ellen — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 03:32:01 +0000

Lana, thanks for your comment. I don’t disagree with you. I should just tell her. I know she doesn’t realize how much it upsets me, or that she’s being inconsiderate. This is a friend who tends to not have much of a radar for people’s feelings. Like I said, I just haven’t wanted to go there; it’s not a friend I see often, and so when I’m out with her I just don’t want to rock the boat. And, actually, for the life of me I cannot remember how I used to think of parents with kids of special needs before I had my own. All I can see is Max.

By: Lana

Lana — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 03:18:58 +0000

How is she supposed to “know”, “understand” or “get it” if you don’t tell her. To most people with kids with special needs its something that you’ve grown into right? (This is coming from someone who had a “typical” child until 2 years ago when she was 7 and got sick.) It’s not something that’s in their scope of things. Because if they don’t live it, they don’t “know”, “understand” or “get it” unless someone tells them right? Think back before you had kids (seriously)did you, “know”, “understand” or “get it”.

I’m not trying to stir it up. But I read these frustrations quite a bit and I’m always wondering why don’t you just say something. Especially if its family or friends, they would, or should understand. As long as you do it when your calm and not so frustrated with that word they just used. Right? I mean, like you just said, she doesn’t mean anything buy it. And like everyone said they just don’t “get it”, maybe they need to be informed so they can get it. Otherwise they are just going to keep on and on and not knowing, understanding or getting it. Right?

I don’t know, just thinking “out loud” here.

By: MaddyM

MaddyM — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 03:05:14 +0000

Yes it hits a raw nerve around here too. I doubt if I would be brave enough to broach the subject with my friend and speak out although I know that would probably be the best thing to do.
Hope you have a blast at Blogher.
Best wishes

By: Janis @ SneakPeek

Janis @ SneakPeek — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 02:56:14 +0000

RUDE! Not to mention inconsiderate and hurtful. But I so know what you mean by not saying anything. One of these days we will rise up and say it!!!

By: Awesome Mom

Awesome Mom — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 02:19:23 +0000

It is hard enough to have to deal with yet with strangers, I can’t imagine having to face that with friends. Luckily for me my friends are very understanding and all the comparisons are in my mind and not from them.

By: Finding Normal

Finding Normal — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 21:35:58 +0000

And I’m so jealous that you went to BlogHer. There, I said it. I could’ve driven there from here, and I didn’t go. BAH!