Today I am really looking to you for your creative solutions. Things have been very up and down with my son this summer, with one day going beautifully and the next a disaster.
Although he is not what I would call a “runner”, i.e. a child who escapes at any opportunity without regard to his safety, he does sometimes run away from me when he is angry and could potentially get hurt or lost if he went too far or too fast. This happened one morning last week, and I am sharing an email I wrote to a friend asking for her advice in hopes that some of you will have ideas as well:
I’m really having a hard time figuring out whether I should take Michael to our planned outing tonight or not. He ran away from me this morning when the van came and I am still pretty upset about it.
Part of it is my fault – he turned the TV off at 8am but then asked to watch a Baby Einstein DVD in his room. I first said no but then he said he would just watch whatever he could until the van came, so I said okay. When the van came and I called him downstairs, he got very upset and was crying and refusing to come. He finally came down but when we left the house he took off down the street.
I called for him to stop but he didn’t, so I took off after him. When he saw me coming, he started running faster, so I stopped and yelled “Now” really loudly. He stopped and then burst into tears. I carried him back to the van with him crying about how I yelled at him like a monster.
I know that from now on everything has to be turned off at 8:00 no matter what, and I might even make us wait outside so he doesn’t get involved in something, but I’m not sure if I should also cancel tonight. Part of me feels like it might get his attention that he can’t run away like that.
The other part of me thinks first that I should have known better this morning, and also that he won’t really make the connection and it won’t have an impact on his behavior, except to make him angrier in general. Do you think changing the morning routine and being firm with it is enough of a response?
Looking back, I recognize my mistakes in not maintaining the structure needed in the morning and in not keeping a hand on him as we went outside, since I knew he was upset and could be unpredictable.
But I’m not really sure of the best way to handle the times when he does run off and how to get across how important it is that he stay with me, especially in more public places. I would really appreciate any thoughts on what to do in this situation.
As the host of Try This Tuesday, Trish shares some of the solutions she has found to make life easier. She blogs at Another Piece of the Puzzle or Autism Interrupted.
I’ll have to be careful what I say here as I have one bolter and one collapser/drifter which isn’t relevant. I think in this situation I’d probably opt for a carefully taylored social story with him as they star. I’d avoid the ‘you will be squished by a bus’ option and focus the way he / you feel when this happens and the bonus / reward for not running away. Then I’d follow up with a weekly/ monthly sticker chart for not running away. I’d make up a few fake situations where you know he’s not going to run and say ‘you’re not going to run away are you?’ looking really worrried……he gets to experience success [cos he wasn't going to run away anyway] and then make a big deal about how wonderful he is for not running away / big boy / so relieved…….I detect ramble.
Cheers
My son was an eloper.
What worked for us was giving him a consequence (he’s pretty high functioning mentally)for running away.
We also do a lot of priming. Before an outing we “rehearse” the expectations we have of him. The “rules”. We used to have him do a lot of OT type heavy duty exercising (jumping on trampoline, etc.). That seemed to ease some anxiety. Later, we used chewing gum.
It’s tough when you dont’ know if they are going to bold or not. I definately agree with not having anything on in the morning so that transition happens more easily. Make it a more structured morning and have everything on a chart so he can anticipate what is next.
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I have a runner and it’s not fun
good luck to you
Use a visual schedule: Having a chart or visual schedule displayed of what they are going to do and activities in advance can provide security and keep inappropriate behavior down to a minimum. This technique can also be used to prepare for any change in the normal routine. Letting children that have ASD know of any schedule changes prior to the activity can prevent anxiety and reduce the likelihood of tantrums, rage, and meltdowns.
What about having a visual schedule for your child? You can go over this with your child and they will know what will happen and what is expected of them. You can use pre-made pictures, or cut some out of a magazine or catalog, and you can even take pictures with your camera (you can take pictures of them doing various activities and make a personal visual schedule). Here are some links posted at my blog that might come in handy when developing your visual schedule:
http://momsofspecialneedschildren1.blogspot.com/search/label/Visual%20Schedules
I love visual schedules–
The other thing I was going to mention , use a hand puppet or a yarn doll and speak in a little different voice to read the social story– I have found that when setting up a new expectation teaching it with dramatics helps the message stick. We also do alot of pre-talking –I ask questions like when we are at church do we listen with our elbows?
My kids Love to correct me, so I try and find the most outlandish thing i can say to keep them listening…
We also say quietly show me sitting, show me calm– sometimes that helps
Hope this helps!
Having everything turned off by 8:00 in preparation for the bus sounds good. He probably needs “transition time” (like my own daughter) and just can’t go from doing one thing to something else so quickly. As for the running away part, the fact he stopped when you yelled is great. I think he’ll outgrow this running part quickly. The runners you have to worry about are the ones that NEVER stop, no matter how loudly you yell. And I agree with you that he won’t get the connection of not going out tonight with his behavior this morning. Tomorrow if he asks to watch a DVD past 8:00, say no and talk to him about his behavior. I think it will make more sense because it’s the same time of day, same event, same outcome.
Hope this helps.
Transition is very important. It means no melt down here. We do go outside before the bus and talk about the trees/birds or whatever as part of that transition just so we are half way there! If it happens too fast or out of order it is hard for him to take. We experiment to see where we can be flexible and we also use fading to work changes into the schedule.
I do like visual schedules but I also like verbal reminders. For instance reminding that the ‘TV goes off at 8am’ way before 8am in casual conversation.
Wow, thanks for all the awesome advice! I think (no, I know) we are always trying to do too much in too little time and that is when things just fall apart.
I greatly appreciate everyone’s contributions.
I just want to add – don’t be so hard on yourself. Great suggestions from those who know.
I second the “don’t be so hard on yourself” and the “we try to do too much at once”. Our autistic kids really teach us that all children should be taught by advance preparation and practice, versus trying to discipline on the spot.
Amazing Grace’s link on visual learning contains a link to Do2Learn.com. Check it out- great stuff there. On the running side, there’s these songs and videos (click “songs”) about safety in various places. I find that even when my son is upset, lines from those songs can trigger him into not running into the street, and sometimes even break up the behavior.
Thanks for the inspiration of another mom who keeps plugging.
I would just do the morning thing and reinterate every morning what our schedule is. I too have a emotional runner and when I get him up, if we had a episode the morning before,I tell him this is a new day and we have another chance to have a great day with no running away. If he runs,he loses computer time,etc.I don’t stay home and punish myself and other family members if we have a outing planned.I make his punishment personal and we have only had one episode of running in a year now.Don’t be hard on yourself because we are only human and take it one day at a time.