We spent this weekend with friends who have three girls, ages three, five and seven. When Max was little, it was hard for me to spend time with friends and their kids—I was always comparing him to them, which inevitably made me feel bummed out.
I don’t do that anymore, but lately I’ve been grappling with another issue: how to make sure Max is included when other kids play. These days, he really wants to join the gang. Only other kids don’t always feel the same. Like this weekend, all of a sudden he started shouting and making swatting motions at the other kids. “He’s just playing monster!” I said. Only they weren’t into it. My friend encouraged her kids to play with Max, but as you know, you can’t really force it.
How have you handled this?
Ellen blogs daily at To The Max.
Right now you have 2 year old and collaborative play is hard at this age anyway. You can help by providing structured activity, with a set time frame. Have something for the kids to do …don’t let the other kids determine for you. Bake cookies with each child having a job. Clean out the garage and give everyone a cleaning utensil and a task. Run relay races with teams you choose. No imaginary play. No action figures, no pretend house or doctor. They cannot follow the plot and will be left out each time. However a park, swimming pool, game of ball (everyone has a ball)are perfect. or building a tower with legos or blocks. You have to get involved and, yes, it is incredibly time consuming-all the planning involved. However, then the other children associate the experience to be ‘fun’ and he will become more and more accepted as time goes on. As he gets older, make sure he is introduced to biking, playing catch, etc..then the activity is built in and you dont have to organize so much. Feel free to email me anytime with questions.
What a great question!
Maybe not a play issue, but definitely a social ice beaker for a SN child. This is why I am such an advocate for Service Dogs (in the case of young children under 12) Companion Dogs… Every oe loves dogs, and others will be more apt to approach to find out more about “their” special dog!
I’m not talking about a “pet” either, I mean I real service animal from a real service dog company, such as Canine Companions for Independence… These dogs will be aloud ANY WARE you and your child goes! And, guess what? They are free if you qualify! What do you have to loose? http://www.cci.org / 1800-572-BARK !
Need info? Drop me a line!
Like you say, you can’t really force the issue. Initially we had ‘better luck’ with play dates with other children from therapy and then repeated ‘exercises’ they’d experienced together in therapy…….but it’s a long old process.
Cheers
Yeah, if you figure it out, let me know.
I’m totally with you on this. I feel the same way about Alex. It’s sometimes difficult to know when to help navigate relationships and when to hold back and let him learn his way through the politics of little kids. He does well on his own at school, thankfully, but as kids become more mature and aware, they may not see him as being as fun as they think he is now.
[...] in June, I wrote about getting other kids to play with your child, an issue that a lot of parents of kids with special needs grapple [...]