Recently, a clerk (who is also a law student) filed a discrimination suit against major retailer Abercrombie & Fitch. Apparently she was banished to working in the stockroom, because her prosthetic arm didn’t fit in with their ”Look Policy” of hip and hoochie.
Go get’em Tiger!
Last year, I read with dismay about a couple who had already subjected their daughter (who has Down Syndrome) to 3 surgeries before the age of 5 to make her look “less disabled”. The article is no longer online, but I saved a quote from it.
“We live in a society that judges people by the way they look. Society is not going to change overnight – so Georgia has to fit into society, rather than society fitting into the way she is.”
I really hate that message. And I hate the fact that these parents would resort to unnecessary surgery so early in their child’s life so “they” can feel more comfortable with the way she looks. It would be one thing if she was a teenager or adult and unhappy with certain aspects of her appearance. But face it, how many toddlers care how society looks at them? They’re more interested in getting a cookie.
We live in an increasingly shallow world, my friends.
That said, being parents, we KNOW our children are beautiful. And as good parents, we try to help them prepare to live their lives to the fullest, whether they have extraordinary challenges or not.
So that leads us (in my opinion) to a dilemma—one that I’ve mulled over from time to time—and have no answers for. Do we help our children cosmetically to present to the world a more pleasing (to society) appearance to help them socially, or not?
Obviously I’m not talking about necessary procedures—such as repairing cleft palates, etc.
My struggles at the edge of my own hypocrisy weigh on me. Why did we get Little Guy braces on his teeth if not to improve his appearance? His chompers were functional. We even had to have two perfectly fine teeth pulled because he didn’t have enough space in his mouth. There has been some discomfort involved.
As we advocate for our children’s rightful places as a members in a world that judges by superficiality and stereotypes, do we give them cosmetic boosts—however small—if we can, if it helps their self-esteem, or do we demand that the world take them as they are?
Many of the world’s biggest celebrities have had obvious enhancements done—Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears, Demi Moore (I’m not going to judge the quality of their celebrity, that would be too cruel). Is it different for them?
And if we agree to think about going that route, how do we jibe it with teaching our children about self-acceptance and self-love?
Obviously I don’t have any answers. What do YOU think?
ATM
This subject gets me! Yes, Lily does have a mouth expander, not for looks though. We found that by bringing her upper jaw over and on top of her lower jaw, where it is meant to be, her airway is opened up. Golly gee she can breathe better and as a bonus she will have straight teeth.
When she went in for her first set of tubes, the doctor said he would just check her ears while she was under. My husband had a fit, “Heavenly Father gave her those ears!” “They are my favorite part about her!” “No one is touching her ears!”
Lily tells people she got her ears at Target! We don’t know why she came up with that, but she did. She will also tell people she got her Down syndrome on a certain day of the week.
Why would you want to change the look of someone with a noticable disability. When my daughter is ignoring me and being her stubborn self, people will see that she has Ds and is not some spoiled little girl that doesn’t mind her mom, well wait a minute…
My daughter is beautiful just the way she is! Every person I know with Ds is beautiful for who they are. Don’t change who they are to please yourself!
I sometimes wonder about people that have surgeries to make themselves suposively look younger, when in reality I kind of think you can’t look 20 when you are 50. Personally I think a lot of them look very odd and unnatural. If you have put your energy into surgery to “hide” Down Syndrome, wouldn’t it be more productive to spend your money and time on education and therapy to help your child grow and learn and be “themselves”??
Oh and P.S. that clerk story really bugged me when I read it. A lot of people don’t seem to realize anyone could have an accident any day that could change their life. Even brilliant “Beautiful” people. I bet those executives making that rule would be very grateful for a new limb should they suffer an accident!
Great post.
I used to mind that people noticed when Max drooled. Months ago, a doctor prescribed patches he could wear to prevent drooling. I posted about here about my hesitation to use them.
I never did.
I decided, I am not going to medicate or alter my son to fit the world’s perception of what is “normal.” Especially since Max doesn’t notice or care that he drools. If HE ever wants to use those patches, that’ll be another story.
Max is who he is, drool and all. He has many winning traits—his personality, his charm, his smile.
People need to love him, and all our children, for who they are.
[Me stepping off my soapbox now]
OK. Here’s the other side.
No surgery is going to hide the fact tyhat one has Down syndrome. Ricki (see:
http://beneaththewings.blogspot.com/2009/06/behind-my-back-when-i-wasnt-looking.html ,
who had surgery at age one year, still looks like she has Down syndrome. HOWEVER, she looks like she has a “light” case.
Yes, we did the surgery because of the way society reacts to her. But that reaction is not only THEIR problem, it affects Ricki as well. People expect more from her. People react nicer. Her classmates in a new school were less afraid. And that affects HER.
Ricki has a self-confidence, a positive self view, that I am not sure she would have had otherwise.
I am glad that it has helped her!