I’ve always felt it was important for my children to learn how to behave in polite society and to use their manners. To me that means saying “please”, “thank you” and “excuse me”, not interrupting when others are talking, chewing food with their mouths closed, using good table manners, and other such niceties that make one more pleasant to be around. Those rules apply to my children without disabilities and equally to those with disabilities.
I want my children to be respectful, polite people, people not defined primarily by their disability. One of the ways I can help ensure that they do not get defined totally by their disability is to make sure they follow the same rules and conventions of society that everyone else does. And in the South, very well-defined mores define that behavior.
I have been surprised at the number of adults who do not expect pleasant behavior from children, especially children with disabilities. When my now 18 year old son, Chip, was entering kindergarten, I met with his teacher and explained to her how I felt it was important to say “Yes Maam” and “No Maam” when he was speaking to her. The teacher chuckled and said that would not be happening in her class – it was a “Southern thing” in her words. I pointed out that besides the fact that we do live in the South, I felt it was a “respectful thing” also. My words fell to deaf ears – “Maaming” would not be happening in her classroom.
When Ashley first started learning to sign, besides the basic survival signs (eat, drink, bathroom, hurt, no), I insisted she learn the signs for “please”, “thank you”, and “excuse me”. She is today one of the most polite children I know even though her polite words come in the form of sign language.
My 18 year old daughter, Jessica, also learned quickly that polite behavior would come with rewards. In her case, the recognition for using that behavior and being noticed as ‘special’ was enough to keep her on the path to those “Southern things” that I find so important.
My 17 year old son, Corey, is still struggling but is doing a lot better than when he first joined our family. He’s got the “please” and “thank you” down, but needs to work on the “huh?” when being called from another room.
I strongly believe that my childrens’ manners will help them greatly as they grow into adults. They will receive respect from others because they will be giving that respect. They will be able to eat at a “fancy’ restaurant as easily as at a fast food place. Ashley will be labeled as “that very polite young deafblind girl” instead of just “that young deafblind girl”. I know it is a small distinction. But it is to me a very important distinction.
Deborah can be found writing here at 5MFSN every Wednesday, and can also be found at Pipecleaner Dreams.
I agree 100% Thank you for this post!
I totally agree!
Manners are very important, and far too rare! My parents taught us to always be polite, and people do notice and appreciate it and it will often benefit you if you are around others who are not polite
This is an interesting post as its something my sons and I have talked about a lot. It just seemed easy and nature to start from the beginning with learning manners that became a way of life. The one thing that always was pointed out to me with my sons is how polite they are! I would also say that now that they are older it pays off in a different way too. I notice people are always more tolerate and patient with them because they are always polite. Learning to order at the fast food restaurant or buying at the store is nerve wrecking from the start for all teens, but having speech issues makes them even more nervous. People are REALLY nicer when they are treated respectfully.
Manners, in the broadest sense, are pretty high on my priority list too. My views have changed considerably over the years. The underlying principle for me now is to make the other person feel at their ease. That aside, we do have the advantage of some words, and yet more are coming.
Earlier on, when they had fewer words and a much more severe delay, ‘delivery’ or what would appear to be a stutter was much more pronounced. Because of this I taught them that the first word should be ‘please’ and the next words should be ‘may’.
This combination only works with adults of course but the two words usually work to put the listener in a ‘ready’ response which makes it much more likely that my children will reach the end of their sentences.
Cheers
I totally agree! My 18m old son knows the signs for Please and Thank you. He uses them when he hands US things. LOL. It is never to early to start good habits. He may not use his voice, but he has his hands. Thank you for this post.
What a great post! I love your sentiments expressed here. I believe all parents have a (few?) “hot button” issue and manners is certainly (one) of mine. Not only does it give our kids the tools to navigate any circumstance in which they find themselves, but it also conveys tremendous respect for those around them, for themselves, and for the important pillars in our society (schools, authority figures, public places, etc.). It’s so sad to me that many of the young people that my kids interact with (special needs or not) struggle to know how to handle themselves. I have seen for myself how confident my kids feel when interacting with adults. Thanks for saying it all so well!