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A Little Self Talk
I think I even surprised myself with how much hope I had put into this year's educational plan.
I wanted this to be the year that Parker made up the gap between his age and where he should be academically. Or at least pass off each of his IEP goals.
Things started off in high gear. Parker was making gains at a speed that amazed his weekly home bound preschool teacher. It was looking as though the goals were not only going to be met, but vastly exceeded.
But November came, bringing Parker's pull-through surgery. And the necessary healing time after.
Then in January Parker was rushed into emergency room with the result being more surgery to remove a bowel adhesion. And we needed more healing time after that.
We worked hard in February. Even during the virus that lingered in Parker's lungs most of the month.
Alas, March ushered in the reality that with the surgeries and recoveries, not all the goals will be achieved. While Parker has made improvement, the educational outline………well, it carries a lot of unchecked boxes.
And while my head tries to explain that a medically fragile kid is going to progress academically on his own terms, I still can't help but feel like I've failed.
So, tonight I'm wallowing a bit. Wondering if I pck what it takes to bring my child up to where he belongs.
Others tell me to focus on how far Parker's come. He's taking four (4!) independent steps. He's chowing down Cheetos like a pro. He's learned new signs, figured out the concept of matching objects and colors and shapes.
But the heartache I'm experiencing tonight is stubborn. It's demanding to be felt. Explored. Respected.
Tomorrow I'll pick myself up, dust off the discouragement, and with a bit inner tweeking, carry on.
That CARPE DIEM I have emblazed on my heart?
It will shine again.
You can also find Tammy and Parker hanging out at their other blog: Praying For Parker
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Comments on A Little Self Talk »
LynnEnsMom @ 1:07 pm
Tammy, you are a brave warrior fighting for your son, his present, his future. Hang in there. My daughter always slid backwards after surgeries or other medical interventions. Now she is 10 and a half and that has changed it seems.
Every day is a new day. Every day has hope in it. Thanks for sharing your life with us.
Ashley @ 1:59 pm
Despite your plans and the setbacks, it sounds like Parker is making progress–and ANY progress is better than none at all!!
Deborah @ 4:00 pm
Oh my gosh, my Ash;ey's first food was Cheetos also! She is now a very proud graduate of our hospital feeding program.
One thing to keep in mind (and I had to keep telling myself this also), kids often do things in spurts. Come first grade or 4th grade or 8th grade, there could be a major learning spurt. I have to keep the long term picture in my mind, or I will stress over the month here and there that Ashley misses because of illness or surgery.
Parker is a beautiful, unique child and you are a wonderful mother, teacher, nurse, advocate, etc….!
Michelle @ 6:14 pm
I soooo get this, Tammy. It is so easy to compare where you are with where you want to be and then proceed to beat yourself up over it. I'm a pro!
However, know this: You are exactly the Mom that Parker needs. Even on days like this where you feel sucked dry and worthless. You and Parker are an amazing team. You've accomplished incredible things together and you will continue to.
Sometimes life (especially when it has to be played out in the revolving doors of a hospital lobby) just gets in the way of learning the alphabet. But don't despair — the alphabet will still be there tomorrow. And so will two of the most courageous, unsinkable souls I know.
You and Parker will get those boxes checked off soon enough — and we'll all be cheering with you when you do!
Hugs,
~Michelle
rickismom @ 6:30 pm
Often I feel that we are "behind". But in actuality, there are always interferences. It is part of the show. Just keep plodding along, and like the tortice, you will win your race in the end…..
Leslie @ 11:12 pm
I don't have any words of wisdom, but wanted to give you a hug! You are both doing an amazing job. It can be hard when the path is filled with more complications and hurdles that we didn't expect. You are doing an amazing job loving this precious little boy. Hang in there and hugs to you!
Leslie
Susan (5 Minutes for Mom) @ 3:12 am
You are such an amazing mom and woman!!!
You are doing such a fabulous job and so is Parker… you two ROCK!!!
Melody @ 12:58 am
Said it before…trust yourself…and Parker.
*hugs*
jennifergg @ 2:02 pm
I think you're doing terrific…and so is Parker.
Just a thought? Homeschool doesn't have to end when the traditional school year ends. You can use all 12 months, if you like. So you may not be as "behind" as you think you are…there's always a way!
xo